So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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