oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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