Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
