I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
