The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
