I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
