My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
