do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
