Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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