so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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