That's intense
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
