just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
