doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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