we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
