is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
