tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize