2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
