he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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