somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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