If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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