i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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