so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
