yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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