fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
