Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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