You just made me feel so damn special
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
