Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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