Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
