Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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