I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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