I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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