chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
