In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
