fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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