I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
