Kiss
Puke
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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