Well douche your snatch and let's go!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
