I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
