he wants to bone in the snuggie
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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