I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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