I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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