hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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