physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
