don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
