im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
