you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
