I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
soo... how was my night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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