I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
