I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
