no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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