she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
