I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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