i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
