if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
