the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
