What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
