white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
