when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
