I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
