Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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